I just can’t stop thinking about how my life got turned upside down so long ago. 8 years to be exact. I have whined in plenty of post about how terrible it was but instead of rehashing the bottom of my life I want to talk about what has led me up to this point today. Failure, lots of failure. Lots of rejection. Lots of challenges. My down fall is my negatively charged depression but some how I have been blessed to work through it and see ways out. I have had time on my hands to see more light in my life but not before more heart break and disappointment. I just have to keep going and that is exactly what I do. My positivism grows stronger every day. I run my life by goals that I set out to achieve or at least try to achieve. I have advice from so many people I love and trust. I have hurt or been hurt walking away from others. My whole life right now is just chance after chance. Chance that I would be good at baking and decorating and I am. Chanced that I would work out in marketing and failed. Chanced that photography would be my new skill and I am pretty good at it. Chance to be anything I want. Some of the failures worked out quickly some did not.

This life of mine seems so ironic I am so awesome with kids but would never make it as a teacher. I absolutely loved working on the cruise ships but my family appricates me not following the 3 strikes and your out rule. There were 2 times I got really sick on the cruise ships. I have received so many compliments on who I am as a person. Blushable moments indeed when people wonder how I am still single. I wonder the same thing while reciting over and over that it’s not meant to be and it will happen when it is meant to be.

Truth is, I have invisioned many things happening in my life and some of them just don’t happen. But some do! It took all of these chances to lead me were I am right now. Right now I happen to be in a really good spot. I did not sit and wonder what would happen, I got off my butt and tried to make things happen. This year I have set out to achieve the challenge of 7 goals. This New Year’s will be a personal celebration because I will achieve all of them, but that’s not it. Each goal should be a grounded support for the next and the next set of goals will be way harder. Starting over is easy in the beginning but will always keep getting harder. It is the natural life cycle. If your life is easy you are going nowhere with it. If it is hard you are trying and achieving things.

I have seen so much of our world and I have met so many people. I have learned so many new skills and I have bettered myself the whole way thru. The biggest challenge for me is knowing exactly what I want and seemingly trying everything to get there and still falling short. Where am I meant to be? Where am I meant to shine? This year has been the biggest and fastest restart of my life and I could never do this without the help I have got from amazing people and doing everything I have done before this. I am realizing that more and more and I begin to understand that things are meant to be the way they are meant to be and I have to flourish in the meaning of my own life instead of others lives.

If it’s out there I will find it. If you are out there I will find you. At least if I never make it to my dream I know that I have tried all I could to get there and I am happy with that. Every step in the right direction is a series of great adventures that make me stronger to keep going. What is next for me?