UP With Marc

6 months away from our wedding and our honeymoon cruise in the Southern Caribbean and I can’t stop thinking about my time working on cruise ships. It’s been about 10 years since I stepped foot on my first cruise which was also the South Caribbean. I was engaged…you know like I am right now…to the wrong person but the honeymoon was paid for so I took my sister instead. But had it not been for that cruise and the chain of events that happened on that cruise I may not have ever worked on a cruise ship and here i am now saying i worked on 2 of them in the Southern Caribbean and then Alaska.

I busted my ass to get a job on a crusie ship. It was shorted because of my allergies but it carries the biggest savior story of my life. I know I have burned people’s ears off from telling this so much but it’s so important. I’m all alone in the middle of the ocean. I’m on the bow of the ship so late at night with no fear left ready to say good bye. In that moment Mother Nature and the ocean chimed in and told me to stop. Told me there is more to my story than this. “I’m not done”.

For all most people knew I was unstoppable. A select few new the real struggle I was in though. From that moment on I vented out all the negative thoughts in my head and little by little my self worth rose again. My time on that ship I met so many great people and did so many amazing things. It was even a networking platform for my next crusie job too. On my 2nd crusie job it was even better and the memory of having a life threatening bacterial infection does not hold a candle to the good memories that happened before.

So by now your probably wondering why I want to go back to the Southern Caribbean or even on a cruise for that matter. As it very well could have been the end but I would like to look at it as a new beginning. A new Marc was forming and the best way to share this with the love of my life is to just go back there! I’ll always need some alone time with my friend the ocean. Those that have gone with me to the beaches to visit know that I need to go out into the water to reconnect. It’s been to long. This time I can lean over the side and look down and know I’m safe, know I took the right path and best of all, share it with the future to be forever in my life.

https://youtu.be/xarC5jAiO7w

It’s time to come back. If you find yourself too far away from who you are….it’s time to come back. A moment apart to realize it is you who should love you the most. In that purity you can begin to transform that love on to others. Now that you are back together with yourself the hope is that you are stronger and now you can love yourself even more.

On the anniversary of my move from Florida back to Illinois, packed with a realistic budget and 7 goals. I want to reflect on an emotion that is quite new to me. Never before have I had any strong emotions about missing someone or something but in the last half decade that has all changed.

Maybe some of this, well all of this is probably repeated but I think for the small handful that follow and read all my lengthy posts it kind of comes together right here. The first thing I have truly and fully ever missed was working on those cruise ships. I am so grateful for the opportunity to not be on one but 2 ships with 2 different experiences. I miss it all but I miss being out on the ocean the most. My first weeks on the cruise ship at the end of my shift at night I would go out on the bow of the ship, hang over the side and let my tears fall into the ocean as the waves crashed up on the sides. I was not sad to be there I was letting go of years and years of sadness. I was letting go of the negative Marc my family and friends knew all to well. Sure I had this blog running before that, so positive change was in the air already but there is nothing else like this. A moment to myself, a moment to change myself. When I am hit with some hard negative thoughts I can only now imagine my place of solitude upon this floating vessel. No endless ocean or salty air to capture my tears any more and I miss it…..I miss it so much.

I had to be closer to the Ocean after my cruise job….I thought “hey I made this cruise job happen I can make this move to Florida happen too” Not without the help of My best friend Chris and his wife who gave me a roof and a job! Wow, how’s that for friendship? Unaware at the time I was being introduced to the next thing I will later miss so much, finding my connection with our younger world of children….all of them from working Elementary school to summer camp and City of St. Cloud events. I miss those kids. Wish I could tell all of them. I am sure they have moved on to the next role model in their lives by now but I miss them. There is one I do miss the most. I can’t explain it and I shouldn’t be picking favorites but when I listen to my heart she’s the one that I connected with stronger then anyone. I miss you Lilly. Yes yes I miss her whole family too but that’s different!

Working in the Elementary School I was then introduced to the next thing I missed the most. Volunteering! My time volunteering in Florida was abundant but the one that stands out the most was my regular Sunday’s at Give Kids The World. It’s a resort-style vacation for terminally ill children and there families. It’s were they stay when their “Make-A-Wish” is to go to Disney World. Even without Disney this place was amazing. I won’t go to much in depth to describe this place but if you are curious I encourage you tolook it up or better yet search for my blog titled “She’s Only 4” and “Super Dad”. If you can’t find them let me know I can link you. The level of magic and joy in this place is unmatched, anywhere!

Stepping away from the cruise ships, the ocean, the kids and the volunteering was so hard. As tough as it was, I made the right move. I am by all my family again….creating stronger bonds than ever before. I have reacquainted with many friends. Those 7 goals……I smashed those this year and owe alot of gratitude to Cindy for introducing me to my new career and Darrin and Melissa for a place to stay while all my goals come to life.

I miss those things so much but I have so much good in front of me right now. You Florida peeps don’t be upset I miss a lot more of you than you think and hear from this!

I love my family, I love my friends, I love my Florida peeps and I love all the kids I have been blessed to meet through all of this.

Everything happens for a reason and I wonder what life is going to bring me next?

We are meant to meet those we cross paths with in this world. That being said, a good friend of mine from Florida shared this meme with me today. The worst of people in the world could take me down and I still can brush it off. Judging myself so much more harshly than the rest of the world is my biggest fault of all. I don’t want to go around over praising myself either. Life is so awesome right now and I need to focus on that instead of what has not happened. I am grateful for what I have done in life and I am proud of who I am. I love helping others, I love accepting other peoples differences, I love children and I love learning new things. Outside of that, well I am an original. No matter what I succeed or fail at in life the one thing I will never be disappointed with is known that it is always just my mind and my heart going thru this world. The best part is gathering those along my weird little way that encourage and support my words and actions. Life truly is short, there is only enough time to live it as YOU.

I saw this on one of my followers Facebook page just now!

“The difference between me and you…
Is that at least I have started to leave a LEGACY! Even if I FALL DOWN!”

This is not meant to be insulting to anyone but maybe an opportunity to take a step back and see where your life is. I try so hard to be someone. Yes sure to some I am a nice guy with a basket full of positive treats. Others that think negative of me are not my concern. Boy have I fallen. But I have learned so much. So much about life and myself.

I am far from perfect and I don’t try to be. However I do put my best effort into everything. I have spent so much time trying to figure out my legacy. What is my purpose? Perhaps my purpose is to simply help other people at all times. I don’t need to make a Tic-Tok about it. I don’t need to post on Facebook everytime I help some one. Really I don’t need to tell anyone. Helping others is as natural to me as breathing. I don’t even think about I just do it.

Deep down I don’t feel that is it for me. Somewhere some how some day the world is going to put me were I am meant to be to help people in the biggest ways possible. I may not have everything I want from life but I don’t fall short of trying anyways. I have a quote from years ago. “Sometimes you must let good things go to discover greater things” This applies to my life right now. It’s time to stick to some things and its time to let other things go. There is a greater Marc inside me and my worst enemy is the only things holding me back….Myself!

I have been falling for many years and this year I have gotten UP and I have accomplished more then ever before. I’m doing pretty good right now! Inside I know there is more potential to be a Legacy and while I try you will just have to settle for who I am now.

I am going to try my absolute best to wash away the thoughts of what I can’t seem to find. I want to make room to see what my potential is. I am not the best but I will always try my best.

I wish I could look ahead years into my own future to know if I am on the right path. To know where I am meant to be. I have approached so many things in my life to late. I am a man wanting to learn all, know all and experience all. I’m not bothered by the things that I tried and can not do. I am not bothered by the things I missed. I’m not bothered by things that will never happen again. I’m bothered in the present day, in the now. If I see any small morsel of hope for something I want in my life, there is no end until reality says time to move on. I have become such a weird combo of quiet and goofy. While I am nailing life on the outside….things are better then ever….I am still spinning on the inside….trying to figure out who, what, where, when, on those morsels of hope. I’m not gonna list out what’s toying around in my head. “Ain’t nobody got time for that”. I will say no matter if I am as quiet as a sleeping child or as annoying as mosquito that’s out for blood, there is still a hundred things going on inside my head.

I’m not thinking about stopping. I’m not thinking about giving up. I am Crashing through waves of failure and rejection, but if I still see some light then I am still trying. I’m thinking about my next move. I’m thinking about how, what I am doing right this minute, and how it relates to the next and the next and the next.

You guys all know the game of Chess right? The last several years I have been throwing my pawns in as sacrifice. A good sacrifice full of discovery and experience. This year it’s time to move the big guys in the back but my opponent of Life has already made some heavy moves but I am always ready.

I give each day the chance that today is the day. It’s a heavy burden of hope for a list of chances for better things in life, but I just keep going.

Goal #7 is a simple goal. To be more active with my blog. Write more posts and post more new stuff. The funny thing is I gave myself October to take a break and said November I am spending all my free time building up my blog again. While October 31st I find out I am taking a night class every week day for work….for the next 3 weeks….An amazing opportunity to advance at work but we will see how this last goal fairs out this month.

It’s been a heck of a year not just with my 7 goals being accomplished but with those goals comes tons of change. Still I look forward to see what’s next for me. I stay in the present but I still look ahead to be ready for what life has planned for me next.

I just can’t stop thinking about how my life got turned upside down so long ago. 8 years to be exact. I have whined in plenty of post about how terrible it was but instead of rehashing the bottom of my life I want to talk about what has led me up to this point today. Failure, lots of failure. Lots of rejection. Lots of challenges. My down fall is my negatively charged depression but some how I have been blessed to work through it and see ways out. I have had time on my hands to see more light in my life but not before more heart break and disappointment. I just have to keep going and that is exactly what I do. My positivism grows stronger every day. I run my life by goals that I set out to achieve or at least try to achieve. I have advice from so many people I love and trust. I have hurt or been hurt walking away from others. My whole life right now is just chance after chance. Chance that I would be good at baking and decorating and I am. Chanced that I would work out in marketing and failed. Chanced that photography would be my new skill and I am pretty good at it. Chance to be anything I want. Some of the failures worked out quickly some did not.

This life of mine seems so ironic I am so awesome with kids but would never make it as a teacher. I absolutely loved working on the cruise ships but my family appricates me not following the 3 strikes and your out rule. There were 2 times I got really sick on the cruise ships. I have received so many compliments on who I am as a person. Blushable moments indeed when people wonder how I am still single. I wonder the same thing while reciting over and over that it’s not meant to be and it will happen when it is meant to be.

Truth is, I have invisioned many things happening in my life and some of them just don’t happen. But some do! It took all of these chances to lead me were I am right now. Right now I happen to be in a really good spot. I did not sit and wonder what would happen, I got off my butt and tried to make things happen. This year I have set out to achieve the challenge of 7 goals. This New Year’s will be a personal celebration because I will achieve all of them, but that’s not it. Each goal should be a grounded support for the next and the next set of goals will be way harder. Starting over is easy in the beginning but will always keep getting harder. It is the natural life cycle. If your life is easy you are going nowhere with it. If it is hard you are trying and achieving things.

I have seen so much of our world and I have met so many people. I have learned so many new skills and I have bettered myself the whole way thru. The biggest challenge for me is knowing exactly what I want and seemingly trying everything to get there and still falling short. Where am I meant to be? Where am I meant to shine? This year has been the biggest and fastest restart of my life and I could never do this without the help I have got from amazing people and doing everything I have done before this. I am realizing that more and more and I begin to understand that things are meant to be the way they are meant to be and I have to flourish in the meaning of my own life instead of others lives.

If it’s out there I will find it. If you are out there I will find you. At least if I never make it to my dream I know that I have tried all I could to get there and I am happy with that. Every step in the right direction is a series of great adventures that make me stronger to keep going. What is next for me?

This just came to me! My life is littered with sadness and challenges but I have been strong enough to stick through it, to keep going and to never give up. I have done little to nothing new with this blog and motivation speaking…..is it my future? Time will tell. I sit here out of reach from the one thing that can not just be achieved in this world. I mentally and physically beat myself down day after day deep down inside. Helping others is like the blood that keeps me alive and with that energy I try to become the positive person I seek within myself. I have up days and I have down days. I put all my faith in everything happening for a reason and it has brought me exactly where I am right now.

I am laying on my back under a heating pad to comfort the never ending saga of back pain. I am just watching a movie and I start thinking; By the way I have this awesome ability to get fully envolved and emotional in a movie and have a whole other separate thought still. I am so excited about were I am now and where it could lead but I often wonder how important where the things I left behind? The people who I have made important in my life, the ocean, and most of all the kids. It’s s helping others that keeps me alive but its these younger humans that inspire me the most.

So back to my “other” thought. In restarting my life I was building a tower without a foundation, a mountain without a base. For a little while it was really big and growing but it does not last because there is not enough to support it. Here right now as I restart my life again I am building that base and sealing my foundation to grow…..thats what is meant to be….this is what makes sense for me. I am so far away from my main goal but as old as I am, which is still young, I still have to take my time…..I still have to knock my goals out one at a time….I still have to enjoy where I am in life before I can step higher and stay UP.

I get down from time to time, perhaps it is mother natures way of building empathy and appreciation for what I have. I don’t want to get over zealous in my journey and I want my positivism to grow. Right now I am a guy with hope and a great massage. What I aim for is a legend of positive change! You think that is too much? I don’t? Always have big goals, always train to be the best. You don’t have to win first place to give your life meaning but you yourself know that you tried everything you could and landed right where you were meant to be. In a race to the top, so often things are missed. My journey is about seeing and doing as much as I can on the way up. Even if I fall, it is a chance to get up and discover even more.

I miss these powerful thoughts and I am so happy that they are back. I am going after everything and life will reward me with the journey not the destination!

Ok maybe more like 520 words, but maybe the whole post is closer to 1000 words.

Everyone has heard the phrase “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Or you have heard a different variation of it! Either way, I came across this picture on a thumb drive, while cleaning and saw some potential for an inspiring post.

For reference, this was a photoshoot with actual wolves that I had earlier spent the whole day hanging out with. Side by side with these beautiful creatures can be intimidating with no safety barrier but for me it was magical. This picture was taken at Seacrest Wolf Preserve in the Panhandle of Northern Florida.

So here we go, 1000 words about this picture. This picture can really drum up so many thoughts! That wolf is about to rip his head off, why does he look so happy? Does he know he is about to be wolf dinner? Even for people that know me well, they could even be wondering what I may have done to playfully tease that wolf and now my payback is arriving.

In the actual event of this photoshoot, there were 4 adult wolves up on a ledge and all they wanted to do was lick and play. They were not all about this posing for pictures deal. The worst that really happened is one of the wolves snatched my glasses off my face. I knew they were harmless so I just laughed as its wet nose smashed on my head and I could feel the teeth on the side of my face while it was quickly removing my glasses. I bet that might put a little fright in some of you? All in all these wolves were like giant puppies….like adults that never grow up. Naturally, I have a connection and can relate to them on their childlike nature. This is where I would insert a smiley face but too reach a thousand words I figured I would explain it instead.

When I saw this picture I immediately had an inspiring observation of this shot. Not of the true factor or not of any dangerous assumptions. Go back up and look at the picture again. If you are on a computer you may still be able to see the picture. I’ll even take myself out of the equation of interpretation.

Here is a man, obviously a man…look at those gray hairs! He is eye to eye with an angry wild animal….perhaps a symbol of life’s challenges. Instead of fearing life challenges he smiles in the face of them and reaches through towards the happy wolf or the better parts of life. He could risk losing everything but there he is risking his life to get to something better. Or perhaps he is putting his own challenges aside and willing to risk his life to help the other wolf or person.

No matter how you see it there is certainly the possible presence of anger side by side with the possible presence of joy. In life, we perceive what our mind truly wants us to see. The more you expose yourself to the good things in life the more you train your mind to look past the crap and see more good in life and people. Even evolving from that you start to see the positives in the crap as well.

That picture is pure playful love accompanied by this guy having the time of his life. The picture captured the memory, my words captured your attention and now there are 1000 words in your head with possible scenarios from this wildly amazing photograph.

Assume the better in people and things and your life will be more enriching as you shuffle off the negatives and keep moving. There is good in all of us if you are simply just looking.

We all do a little acting from time to time. I am supposed to be Mr. Positive but I have my own fair share of challenges. Things that have brought me to the edge. I am tired. I am very tired in my mind, but there is too much in this life unseen and I am always after something. The more you go after in life the more disappointment you will encounter. In the same thought the more good you will find as well among the disappointment. In this blog, I have been trying to illustrate my own life and compare it to the fact that we all can be positive if we want to bad enough. Sure I may not physically appear to be struggling but through my quited personality lays too much over thinking about my own life and how I can be better at helping and inspiring more people. I love kids so much and they need more inspiration in life but I look at adults and they do too!

An example of my own struggle; how can I hide my own loneliness while inspiring others to succeed thru theirs? No matter if it publically hurts me or helps me, around all of my ideas and strengthening toward positivism there is a real person behind these words.

I like to let people know I am a real person. I like to let people know that I am not naturally positive, but I work towards it and feel it getting stronger all the time. I like to let people know humility or sadness should not stand in the way of our goals. Some of my goals are not being met but life gives you what it is meant to. Instead of being disappointed I’ll act strong and silently figure out all the positives as to why this goal can’t be part of my life.

We are never supposed to say “can’t”. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be. What you can’t do is lose hope. That path of your life might have ended but behind another door will be a brighter path…..TAKE IT! So much space in our mind is taken up by what we haven’t done. Even in my own life I sulk on the “have nots” but in reality, I have done a lot of badass things in my life. I have helped so many people already. I always want to help more!

It’s ok to act strong when you have to, just make sure you’re working thru those challenges in life when you need too. Make sure you are living the most positive life possible. It’s ok to be angry and sad that’s life but just don’t stay there it’s not worth it.